Nguyen, Michelle. Californian native. 17. Aggie. Full-time student, part-time dreamer. This is an account of cupcakeisms straight from my red velvet heart. Writing is my release.

Please don’t forget me, I’m going away.

Yesterday was the last day of school. Knocked out at JH’s place for a bit and then people went to watch movies, dance, or ice skate. Suddenly, I hated San Jose. I hated the routinelyness and repetitiveness of it all. So instead, we embarked upon an adventure, following a road until the end. Ended up in the mountains! Babe, this may all seem boring/a waste of gas to you, but this is what I live for. Unknown territory. Thanks for taking me and putting up with my outrageous demands! After that, saw a carnival so we went in. Everything is a RIP OFF. Did you know the basketball hoop games at the carnival and probably at theme parks are RIGGED? If you look at the hoop from the side it is HELLA oval. Got a caramel apple and headed to Whimsical and talked to Steph Myngoc and Henry for a bit. Today went to Great Mall and then the Interact potluck. CLUE/UNO for days! And I really want an SLR.

Lately, I’ve been feeling an inclination away from sentimental in my heart. So this is where we are after four years, hmm? Not much, but at the same time, A LOT, has changed. Some of us have developed into wonderful, complex thinkers while most have just stayed their youthful, happy, ignorant selves. As for me, I feel like I lay in a medium, but who am I to believe it is my jurisdiction to judge?  I don’t feel much changed, but at the same time, it feels like the beginning of a new phase, and I am so excited for what the future has to offer. The past four years have been a blur. No matter how stolid my facade has been lately, I cried yesterday. I was very shocked to find tears on my face when you hugged me. I guess I fooled even myself, huh? Well, I’m not going to lie. High school was a great time for me. There are some facets of it that I shall miss dearly, but I feel like I have already said goodbye to those things months ago: The naivete nature of best friends, the petty drama that used to rule life, the caring about homework ad absurdum, the 09 spirit load of horseshit … I have already left those things behind. This just feels like a dragged on extension of that goodbye. When I read the things people said in my yearbook last night, I felt a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. These things were nothing but memories. I’m so grateful for the great times and the fun journey. When I look back in a few decades, high school will seem like a jubilant time in my life, I’m sure. But for now, I am thankful. Thankful that I was able to have this revelation and wake up call that made me realize the true nature of high school friendships and relationships: They don’t last. Maybe some relationships will prove me wrong, but I’ve yet to see friends stay close for longer than 2 years. And if you can’t even hold it together for a few years, what makes you think you can achieve forever? And believe me, forever is MORE than enough. I can’t wait to graduate. It’s finally here!!! By the way, Jessica Ho made my fucking day when she gave me a book compiled from all our solo day lyrics ever! <333 I love her.

Finally it’s my time to be lonely, and lost, unloved and i can’t wait.